Friends, let’s gather in my living room and chat. I have plenty of room for you, and we have so much to catch up on :) I’m in a season where the words I have to share are more like slow drops in a large bucket. A thought comes to mind but it’s quickly forgotten as I’m enveloped into play time on the living room floor. Naptime begins, the babes are tucked into their beds with their special hospital blankies, and just as I’m convinced I don’t need a nap, I fall asleep and am quickly snoring. I know for a fact God has prepared me for this time in my life. The years where I was fiercely working on “outside jobs”, those were most certainly so I could step back and fiercely work on “inside jobs”.
Right now I’m an “inside job” gal. Yes, I have slivers of creative time and Maggie time and learning time and girlfriend time, but a big part of my time is spent teaching my kids, encouraging my husband, and learning about me.
I’m curious about opportunities to share all that I’ve experienced and learned pre-mamahood alongside my “inside job” schedule. I know there are ways, and I’m grateful for the courage to create the outline. It is exciting and encouraging, especially when the days feel long and repetitive.
Sometimes it feels easier not to write & publish anything at all. Like I mentioned, the words I have to share are more like slow drops in a large bucket. They randomly appear, are often unnoticed, and fade fast. I could feel discouraged, but I’m holding on to hope that it’s for a very specific reason. I know I need to be writing, if only to share the few drops I do have. Those are important drops. I certainly believe your drops are important, so it’s good for me to believe my drops are important.
In July I turned 30, and truly I feel different. I feel more content in attending larger social gatherings, knowing it’s OK to focus on cultivating a small group of relationships. I feel confident to eat a meal by myself. I recognize using baby lotion as a facial moisture is a bad choice (sadly, a real bad habit of mine). I know the importance of knowing when to ask for help, which for me in this season of life is being involved in multiple groups so I have enough things going on to keep myself socially engaged. Not to keep myself busy, but to keep my Maggie cup full. And, perhaps most importantly to our family, I feel at peace knowing the “inside job” I’m doing is enough. It is good. (A close second is getting enough rest, I’m like a great grandma these days with my daily naps, but hey — who cares! ;))
So while my words here have been infrequent and light, know that it’s not because I’m uninterested in this community, it’s because I, for once in my life, am really struggling with the words to share. There was a time in my life when I had all of the words. Do you remember, back when this all began, how my blog was titled “Gussy Has a Lot to Say {and Sew}”? I remember that too, and right now that’s making me smile. That time feels like it was decades ago, and I often ache for how easy the drops fell.
But then I remember: hope. I mean, there was a day when I wasn’t sure we would ever find work again, but we found it in Minneapolis. There was a day when we thought we may never have a baby, and the Lord has answered that prayer threefold. So I look ahead with hope in mind. I have so much hope for the words published here to come, and for now I patiently wait.
PS. Do you have five extra minutes? Read this post, To the tired mama…
PPS. This song is amazinggg!