CLEARLY the Lord is working on something within me, because I’m still struggling with my writing. For weeks (months?) I felt like maybe it just wasn’t “in the cards” for me to continue as a writer. Maybe the season is over for me? Then, after journaling during nap time, I took on a new perspective: perhaps it’s just the devil trying to get inside my head and steer me away from my gifts. Maybe? I asked God to make it loud and clear what is going on, because nothing else makes sense.
Within other areas of my life: food, sleep, relationships, and time spent caring for myself, I feel totally healthy. I have no trouble sharing with others how I’m feeling, from the little details to more substantial topics.
So, what’s going on with my writing?
Friends, I truly feel like I’m in a writing drought! “Drought” isn’t the right word — I feel like something is standing in my way. Like a literal block. I’m not giving up (I really enjoy writing), and it’s not that I don’t know what to write about (I have lots to share). When I sit down to write, either nothing comes out or my mind goes blank. I can see my thoughts, but they are fuzzy and out of reach.
My choice to minimize where I spend my time online has helped in a big way, so I know it’s not that.
I need to switch gears…
One of my priorities for this year is to cook new recipes, and ohhhh goodness, I’ve been making so many different soups. (Edie has taught me so much.) Making soup is so fun! I love pulling an armful of ingredients out of the fridge, warming up my dutch oven, and cooking dinner as my tribe plays around me. Usually I have Marigold near me in her high chair, Natalie is coloring with markers or crayons, and Max is building with LEGOs. But also usually, Max loves (lives?) to chase Natalie. He usually has on a t-shirt and underpants; she’s wearing leggings and a sweatshirt. Both are barefoot. Her pink “baby” is tucked under her arm, and she’s hollering at him to stop. I love watching their personalities emerge.
Soon after the chase begins, Bauer briskly walks to our bedroom to hide from the kids. He’s smart. After a few minutes, someone gets distracted, and the chasing stops naturally. (Whew.) I fill my water glass one more time, chop the vegetables, add some broth and meat or soaked bean, then I sprinkle in a few spices. I get out the bowls, set out a tub of shaved Parmesan, and ask Max to help me set the table. It’s a wonderful mix of chaos while I create in the kitchen, and it’s our routine.
I think it’s normal to have waves of doubt with the things we feel called to do, with the activities we enjoy doing, but what I’m feeling with my writers block is really starting to discourage me. I enjoy writing, and I miss not to being able to write. I’m nearly miserable.
Yesterday, a new notebook arrived in the mail. Beginning tonight, I’m gathering with a group of women from my church, and we’ll be meeting weekly. Maybe this will spur on some sort of writing revival for me?
Praying for a “yes”!
PS. my tassel/wooden necklace is by The Jones Market. It was a surprise gift from Zack this past Christmas, and my absolute favorite accessory!